My wife is a technophobe and makes a point of commenting on any time my selfhosted stuff doesn't work right (even though it's unrelated to my server, like our ISP shitting itself).

I've personally installed and logged into Jellyfin on all of my mother's and wife's devices and neither of them uses it and both go back to Netflix (with ads!).

My parents won't use Signal and dont see the point of installing another app besides WhatsApp.

I've Ihad to install firefox+adblock on my father's laptop and replace the desktop icon with an edge icon to get him to use it.

Even my brothers (who are as tech savvy as me) would not de-Google or start self-hosting after a year of me telling them how awesome it is, until they eventually discovered it for themselves.

You can't make people. Tell them about it, introduce the idea and demo it. That's all you can do.

What he did want though, was a way to share his commissions with his clients. But he hated nextcloud because he was always having syncing issues. So ater talking with him i set up a samba share to my server that he could drag his commissions to. That golder rclones to nextcloud. Its not what i want, but he doesnt have syncing problems and hes more than happy with it.

I set up immich and he never used it. He just preferred manually browsing the photo directory. So i use immich and he manually looks at things.

We eventually came to an agreement, i work on the stuff i want to work on, and if it would affect him he and i talk about what would work for him, and i work around that requirement. It makes the project into a fun problem to solve and he actually uses the thing in the end.

No amount of "but this is better" would shake him because it doesnt feel natural to him

Reality is that it's hard to compete against big tech on convenience, features, and ease.

The only sure way to have people use self-hosted services is to make it cheaper (which is irrelevant if they don't personally pay the bill) or for those people to believe in it ideologically, in the same way you presumably do. To value data ownership, and privacy.

Selfhosting is a journey that doesn't happen overnight. Most people don't care and don't want to care. But for true adoption, you have to care about it for reasons which are beyond the purely practical.