Struggle with feeling deep attraction

[may_be@thelemmy.club]

I've always been sure I was ace. I've had less of an interest in sex than others, always have. Occasionally, my hormones would spike and make me feel horny, but only to fictional characters or not for specific people, and I'd never think about directly having sex with them. I don't look at porn either or anything like that simply due to a lack of interest.

I've always struggled differentiating platonic from romantic feelings, and thought romantic attraction had to be a certain way, seeing it as black and white with stuff like "If she doesn't kiss me or say she loves me, then we might as well just be friends". I also feel like a lot of what I want can be seen in really close friendships with not necessarily kissing, but cuddling and headpats and being complimented a lot or called "good boy" or something in a platonic way.

But here's the thing, me and others have noticed. My attraction, even to fictional characters, isn't "typical". It's primarily based on aesthetic attraction. I don't get attraction really to "deep" characters, moreso just random or comedic characters. Ones that only serve one purpose, have one/no personality trait and are just a bit/gag character, etc.

Literally a John Doe, Mr. Generic type guy. And even for girls, though I do deeply love my one crush, they seem to be your typical "background character, kind and pretty woman with long hair".

When I was lonely, I'd consider dating anyone, get embarrassed, and mistake it for "I wanna date everyone and I'm blushing because I like them". Also, I could see myself dating any of my friends if they asked, not just one in particular.

People suggested demiromantic, but I don't see it. I do desire deep connections, but my attractions are very aesthetic-based and rather than only liking them once I get to know them or not feeling attraction unless someone's interesting and sparks it, it's more like "This character is boring and could have any personality but they're attractive"