I am tired both (I have a lithp)

[mountainradish@lemmy.world]

My stomach burns, literally out of stress. I wish to call someone, but there is no one right now.

I am from the country where Donald Orange attacked, and living in UAE.

UAE has no naturalization law. So no matter what a resident would never get citizenship.

UAE started deporting random people from random countries for national security reasons.

It did deport some years ago when their tensions between uae and my country. They would call you and ask you to pack within three days.

It is hard. I am not smart enough to move out to a country where I can settle.

And I rather be here, it is the country I know.

I am not very bright. I don't know what problems mentally I have except autism because I got diagnosed young and I can see the issues I have and had, but even that I wonder what is it exactly because they say it is a spectrum and don't like gradients, i like definitive diagnosis. Clear black and white

Diagnosis of mental or neurological stuff is not simple and costly.

I have the money... well, my father has, but I feel ethically I can't use it on me, except for absolute necessities.

I had memory lapses, the best the neurologist did was a test on paper! Questionnaire! And got diagnosed with MCI.

The same goes with Epilepsy, autism, etc.

I wish if there was a brain scan or something.

Anyway, that why I am very sick. I didn't treat many health issues since 2018, since I told him or maybe he told me, just sit and eat and do nothing.

I do remember though, that I told him I will eat and spend only on necessities. That why, I don't go out, buy stuff, or go doctors unless the situation is bad.

I tried to work and leave this country, i didn't realize how mentally slow I am. Well life humbles you.

I envy those in countries where they get help with things they can't do because of their condition, and oh they also get help to work. A job they are capable to do.

Sitting in a room 24/7 for over 6 years is not fun.

I am doomed, when he is gone, I don't know what I will do? Except end it.

If I got deported, I have no idea what I am gonna do, but end it.

I have online friends asking me to go learn programming, or something online to feel productive and happy, but it is not easy.

The stress is always there. Oh, I can't go back to my country, it is the country where Donald boy attacked 6 month ago.

Life is a game and I lost. Damn it... well, my stomach is not burning, I think typing these along with those hot tears helps feel better.

Peepeepoopoo