Blog 2 - August 24th

[comicalmayhem@lemmy.world]

I'm still at a complete loss (:.|:;) on what the fuck I'm even really supposed to be putting on here. I guess I'll just start talking about my day and see where the aethers of my mind take me? Last time they went to some very dark places. Oh well.

Uh, let's see. I woke up hella late, went to campus early. Waited around to try and get walk-in advising but like no one was at the front desk and there was a few other people already there. Instead my friend offered to help me, so I went to her, and lowkey got advising from her. Then I went to class, then I went to my other class of the day, which is essentially "climate change, the class", and the professor is extremely doomer and so is the content which I quite like. Then I went home, made some mashed potatoes, did some stuff, took a nap, and did some more stuff.

Man writing about my fucking day is boring as shit, not going to lie. It's not like I'm some paragon of excitement, nothing I did was particularly relevant and no one really gives a shit either, including myself.

I was telling my friend who gave me advising how I felt during the first day of class during my humanities credit class, wherein some guy was making polite casual small talk conversation with people around him and how I said I was terrified of that shit and talking with new people randomly for no reason and I think it's weird, and she called me an incel.

Am I? I don't think I am. I just don't like conversations with strangers unless I have an express purpose for doing so. I hate bothering people unnecessarily and don't like it when people bother me. It's sort of a thing I live by.

Am I scared of conversation? Not really. I just don't like being bothered, but I exaggerate everything and hide my true emotions and opinions beneath layers and layers of ironic cynicism and jests to the point where what I think is an enigma to everyone, including myself. Hence my trademark patented catchphrase, "My thoughts are beyond human understanding, including my own" because really and truly they probably are. As much as I like to pretend I know myself, I'm not too sure about that sometimes.

Is that even the truth? Who fucking knows. Probably you. I'd bet $0.05 bucks you're forming some armchair psychologist opinion on my inner workings like I'm some fucking guinea pig to psychoanalyze for shits and giggles. Please, by all means, tell me your professional opinion. How fascinating! I don't give a shit.

I've been called a doomer before. That's a lie, I actually don't recall a time when I was called a doomer, but that's sort of the vibe I embody. Another friend in the same friend group hinted as such, after I exposited my lack of faith in humanity and belief the world is going to end terribly. Said I embody the "billions must die" soyjack, when I need to be the "billions must smile" joyjack. I don't believe in fake optimism. Civilization as we know it is unimaginably fucked and there's almost nothing I can do about it besides joke around and meme on its rotting corpse. People who say "just be happy" or "you gotta be positive" kind of piss me off. No. No, I won't, because quite frankly there's not much to be positive about. Our society is choking, suffocating on the unfettered greed of a handful of unimaginably wealthy and powerful people who selfishly take and take and take and burn our planet in the name of quarterly profit, there's almost nothing I can do about it unless I completely forsake everything I have and become an eco-terrorist or something (and even then there's an infinitesimally small chance I actually affect global change), and the same applies to everyone around me. Fuck I got to be positive about? Both the world and my own trajectory is on a steep downward slope, I'm not going to pretend this shit isn't happening or try and be happy in these circumstances, I have every right to be mad as fuck and depressed and sad and terrified.

I live by something of a code. Haha, yeah, I'm a fucking samurai, good joke you, haha. Fuck you. No, the code I live by is pretty simple. You know the idioms "knowledge is power" and "ignorance is bliss"? They're the same. Two sides of the same coin. If knowledge is power, ignorance is weakness. If ignorance is bliss, knowledge is pain or whatever the opposite of bliss is. People say if you don't pay attention to the media, you'll be much happier, but fuck that and fuck you. I'd rather struggle and be armed with knowledge than stick my head in the sand and be happy while knowing nothing (or pretending to know nothing).

I think that's pretty much all I've got for today. No insane spiral at the end like I had yesterday, thankfully. I managed to keep it together. Less jokes as well. Are they jokes, though? I don't know, how about you tell me, dear, sweet, precious reader? After all, you're the one peering into the endless abyss of my mind and reading along. How are these thoughts, by the way? Hm? You enjoy them? You hate them? I don't really care and I lost the plot on this stupid 5 layer ironical meta joke, so I'll just stop writing like a twat and leave you with one final big fuck you. Because I can.